This morning while I was meditating, I noticed I had two parts to me: One that liked to talk and talk and talk and talk, and the other who remained still and peaceful amid the constant mind chatter.
I realized that I could participate in either game. I could engage with the mind and its constant chatter or I could drop down and connect to the stillness.
This felt like a freeing revelation, as the prior two days had been quite the opposite:
During my meditation(s), I felt lost; unable to connect to my intuition and heart.
I knew I was sinking, but I wasn’t ready to admit it or face it.
And outside of my meditation, I felt myself slowly becoming enmeshed with fear, anxiety, and depression, but I fought it. I didn’t want to go there. It hurt and it felt scary.
But then, there it was, engulfing me fully for a wild two day ride.
“Again, I asked? Again? Why? Make it stop.”
If you have experienced fear in the form of anxiety or depression, then you know it can feel devastating. For me, it feels like hopelessness, confusion, and loss.
Throughout the years, I have found healthy ways to deal with anxiety and depression and it never lasts as long as it used to, but when it gets a hold of me, I become completely enmeshed, not knowing truth from lies.
Last night as I was talking to a good friend of mine and therapist herself, I felt the grip loosen. I felt myself breaking free from the game of fear.
And then this morning, while meditating, I had the experience of witnessing those two different parts of myself and realized I had a choice.
It was a game.
I could hang out with the minds mental chatter or I could drop down and experience peace and stillness. And when ‘I’ or ‘Sarah’ became distracted by the mental chatter and felt inclined to engage with it, I chose not to play that game, and instead dropped down to the other one.
With this insight, I could approach life with more curiosity and playfulness. I realized that life wasn’t this serious task or loathing endeavor to conquer, but instead a playful and fun game that could also be extremely funny and entertaining.
Our minds don’t mean to drive us crazy or focus on negative outcomes or scenarios, but they do.
So rather than blaming ourselves or our minds for the way it thinks, we can objectively say, ‘no thanks’, and then do our best to engage in a different the game.
By remembering that life is a game, we slowly stop taking our thoughts so seriously. In an instant, and with practice, we can shift our attention to the observer and decide what game of life we want to participate in.
Our power lies in our hearts. The more we connect to our hearts and do OUR work that enables us to evolve and become happier and more enlightened individuals, the easier it is to switch from game to game and become the master of our own life.
If you want tips on how to master your own mind, respond yes to this blog post, and I will send you a few!