My Moment of Awakening

I wrote this a few months ago, but only recently had the time to finish it and get it to you. I hope this awakens parts of you who are begging to be loved and accepted, as it did for me.

I had a moment of awakening this morning and I feel called to share it with you.

As many of you know, I have been coaching for the last 10 years, so I am not new to this way of life. And yet - here I am, continuing to be humbled by life and its teachings.

That is what I love about being human.  Here we are - co-existing on planet earth, experiencing life through our own lens, but sharing comparable feelings of sadness, grief, depression, loss and then of course the more feel-good emotions too. No one is exempt from suffering, no matter who they are.  As a society, we are really good at hiding our suffering, but we never really know what is going on behind closed doors. So please share your suffering with those you love.  Isolation can make everything feel so much harder.

Okay I digress…  Whenever I go through a speed bump with my sleep, I learn something new about myself and dare I say, soften even more and become more embodied in the healing process.  In the moment, it doesn’t feel that way, but once I am through it, I see differently.

That is precisely what happened this morning.

Last night, as I was falling asleep, thoughts of poor sleep arose, which created a bit of anxiety in my body.  I let the thoughts play out and did my best to accept that it may take me longer to fall asleep.  I didn’t sleep great, but I didn’t sleep horrible either.

Typically, after a night of experiencing sleep anxiety, I feel a bit tender in the morning.  This morning wasn’t any different. Before Ellis woke up, I decided to sit with myself, meditate and do a little self-coaching in the morning sun. 

I allowed myself to feel the frustration and sadness and then I opened myself up to noticing the good around me. 

Optional Detour: When we do this work, it’s important for us to honor the struggle – our feelings that create suffering, before we move to noticing and feeling the good around us.  I just recorded a video about this here.  Honoring the struggle, allows for all the parts within us to feel seen and heard.  Nothing hurts more than when we ignore the parts of us who are begging to be heard.  More on this here!

So, there I was, sitting on the porch, journaling, and meditating.  One tool I love to use on myself and my clients is called The Work by Byron Katie.  I have been using it in my practice for the last decade. 

It is super powerful and can help us turn our suffering into emotional freedom.

The belief I was working with on this particular morning was the following: “I shouldn’t have to deal with this anymore.”  I am quite familiar with this belief.  In fact, I am very familiar with fighting reality when things aren’t going the way I think they should be going.  And understandably so.  Who wants to suffer?  But, as we know, this way of thinking only creates more suffering.

So, what are we to do? 

Beat ourselves up for having thoughts that create suffering?  Or blame ourselves for our own suffering?  No, no, no, no.

One question I like to ask myself after a hard night is this:  How can I perceive this situation in a way that will soften me? 

Because here is the thing: We aren’t purposefully trying to suffer.  Rather, there may be a reason for why we fight reality when it feels scary or stressful.

For me, when I notice a part of me beginning to fight reality with thoughts like: “This shouldn’t be happening.” Or “I shouldn’t have to deal with this anymore.” Or “I should be healed by now.” It’s really a cry for help.  Really, take that in. Our suffering is a cry for help.

In my experience, it’s a cry for help from the part of me who didn’t learn the coping skills to deal with the emotional and mental stress of adolescence.  And instead, got angry, fought reality, and closed off her heart so that she wouldn’t hurt any further.  

Many of us didn’t learn healthy ways to cope during the awkward and challenging years of adolescence. And so, when we become Mothers, it can be an invitation to learn how to Mother the parts of ourselves that were never Mothered.  

This moment of awakening woke me to the truth that this call for help was not only an invitation to heal, but to help me change how I respond and react when I have a poor night of sleep.  It was happening again to show me that there is another way to be and show up and I am fully capable of doing that.

I have this theory that life only gives us as much as we can handle.  And when it’s time and we have the capacity to take it on and use it for our highest good, we may find ourselves in another speed bump.  There is a larger plan for us, which is hard for our egos to see in the moment, but when we take a step back (breathe), learn the tools, and shift our perspective, anything is possible, including change.

What I love most about this ah-hah moment, was that my suffering – the constant fight of what is, was transformed into freedom. 

Of course, these thoughts were happening for me – to help me see that there is another way to be and respond and I don’t need to suffer to that degree any longer. 

So, what if our suffering is here to wake us up? And when met with love, understanding, and curiosity, can be the thing that sets us free? 

This has been my experience, over and over again.  It’s not easy when we’re in it, but when we hold the belief that our suffering has a divine purpose and will help us heal in ways that create a softer and more loving version of ourselves, it’s so much easier to trust the process.

Remember, you don't need to know the "why" of your suffering while you're in it. That will come in time. Instead, practice love and compassion towards the part of you who is suffering. Perhaps, like me, it is awakening you to your true potential.

Loving you,

S

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