That time of the month . . .
I don’t know about you, but a few days before my period I can be a bit more emotional than usual. Things that wouldn’t normally make me cry, make me cry.
It creeps up on me and suddenly I sense that I may be more sensitive than usual, as I feel tears swelling in my eyes. When this happens, I blame it on my period.
Women get it. Men, well, who knows what they think. If they have a girlfriend or wife or sister, they are a bit more equipped than the average guy. (No offense, guys. I love you.)
This month, however, I was feeling a bit more emotional than other months.
You know when you feel off, but you feel mentally grounded and can (easily) brush things off and let them go, before they get the best of you? Well during this two or three day emotional shit storm, there was no mental protection. Every thought I had, I believed. By day three, I was nearing down the path towards self-loathing and ridicule, as I lie in bed with agonizing cramps.
As I lay there, I thought to myself, “These are the days that are meant to happen to you.”
By this I mean, sometimes fighting yourself to be better or get out of bed or to stop thinking negative thoughts, does more harm than just accepting that you are in a shit place and you don’t feel good right now.
Of course talking to your people during this time is always advised. I told Ev how I was feeling and he told me that life could be worse, I could be an Indian women carrying buckets of grain over my head from dusk to dawn, with no end in sight of a better life. He was obviously in India when he gave me this advice, and every day was witness to the impoverished living conditions many people are subject to living in India.
This actually made me feel better and helped me see the bigger picture. It was then that I reminded of the quote I mentioned above:
“These are the days that must happen to you.” - Walt Whitman.
Sometimes we have days that are just really hard days, and those are the days that we throw in the towel and say, “Okay, this is where I am at, I might as well ride this one out. I will feel better soon.” This is especially true if you deal with anxiety and on and off depression, more specifically, if you are SUPER hard on yourself and have thoughts like “I will never be good enough.” “I am not capable.” “There is something wrong with me.”
There is no worth fighting yourself for feeling the way you do or having the thoughts you do, especially if you ONLY feel this way when you’re on your period.
Here’s a tip that’s helped me:
Start tracking your feelings - and period, for that matter. Notice if the “hard days” correlate with the timing of your period, because if that’s the case, it's a hell of a lot easier to not take it so personally when it happens, because you know it will pass.
There are a few reasons why I felt more emotional this month then previous months, some that I am aware of and maybe a few that I’m not, but remembering that these times of the month can be harder than others, helps us feel less alone and stronger in who we are, because we know we can get through it and it will pass.
Here is a little passage I wrote after waking up from that emotional fog:
And when you come out of it, you know.
You feel lighter
Your mind clearer
And you see the fog behind you and you know it will be okay now.
You will be okay.
If you feel like this most of the time, then please ask for help. Talk to someone. Get the support you need, because I can promise you that we have all felt this way at some point in our lives, and asking for help is one of the bravest and strongest things we can do for ourselves.