"Right beneath the anger there is a well of hurt. And we stay at the anger because it gives us control, because we are afraid to go into the hurt. Because right beneath the hurt is love." - Iyanla Vanzant
It’s not something we have been taught to like or welcome into our lives. It can feel scary and uncomfortable.
And we aren’t sure what to do with it when it arises.
This morning, I realized that our anger, just like our sadness, likes to be felt and acknowledged.
It has it's place too.
A few mornings ago, as I was meditating, I felt myself become angry, as a certain situation and person came into my minds eye. I noticed the thoughts that were behind the anger, but rather then doing Thought Work on my thoughts, I dove deep into the anger.
Because underneath the anger is hurt. So rather than trying to steamroll past it, I sat with it, listened to it, and I acknowledged it, without any judgment.
By doing this, I realized that in order for me to get to the other side of this, I need to compassionately show up for myself and deal with the anger.
That is my job and responsibility.
I must take the time to see what is underneath the anger and allow myself to be patient with the healing process. Because underneath that anger is hurt, and that hurt is finally ready to come to the surface and be healed. That is my work.
And it is a process. It’s like peeling back an onion.
So I say to you, if you are angry with someone or you feel angry for some reason, sit with it. Be with it. And remember that beneath the anger is hurt.
Before you go and have a conversation with someone or try to hash something out with this person, take care of yourself first.
See if you can drop the judgments about why you're feeling angry, and give yourself permission to feel it.
As women, we are so quick to judge our anger or make it wrong, but if we can be with it for a second, without judging it, I believe we can transform it.
It won’t last forever.
I am reminded of what Jill Bolte Taylor shares in her book, My Stroke of Insight, “It takes 90 seconds for an emotion to be felt and then released from the body.”
You can feel anything for 90 seconds.
Let the emotion take its course. Your job is to sit with it, be with it, and let it tell you what it needs from you.
In order to heal or mend our relationships, we must first go within and heal the relationship with ourselves.
We must be a Mother to ourselves. We must take care of ourselves the way a Mother would take care of its young. Softly, gently, lovingly, compassionately, and nicely.